In a small bowl, whisk together mayonnaise, ketchup, ranch seasoning mix, pickle relish, and hot sauce. Cover and chill.
In a large bowl, gently combine ground beef, remaining ranch seasoning mix, Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, black pepper, and salt.
Form into four equal patties and press a thumbprint into the center of each to prevent puffing.
Heat a skillet or griddle over medium-high heat. Cook patties for 4–5 minutes per side. After flipping, top with cheddar cheese and cook to 160°F internal temp.
Toast brioche buns cut-side down until golden brown.
Assemble burgers with crack sauce, lettuce, cheesy burger patty, bacon, tomato, and pickles if using. Serve warm.